From Daughter to Mother

Seeing you  follow  your  path was  harsh at  the  time, clueless  of what  would happen  in the  future. That  day  marked our present  being gone.  Even when thousands  of hours  have  passed,  mixed emotions  are  still  inside, they’re  the  only  thing that  keep  you  alive  in my soul.  Unanswered questions, infinite  unspoken words, a  chance  to  wave  each  other’s  white  flag,  and grow  together  are  the  things  you left  behind.

Your words, your  voice,  your  face, your smell, your expressions  are  nothing but  a  vague memory. I’m  sorry  to say  it,  but  it’s true.  As  hard  as  I have tried to escape from your entity,  it’s impossible, since  our resemblance, the same love for the written word, and not forgetting,  that  trademark of yours, will  forever be  on me.

Those  who “knew”  you  judge  my  stance,  but  they  did not  have  the  chance  to  know  you  the  way that  I did.  Those  people  may  have  it  wrong and accuse  my  view  of you  as  misunderstood,  but  your actions  did not  have  a  direct  impact  on the  rest  of their  lives.  Maybe  the  reason of why  you  are  such  a debatable  topic  for me  is  because  on the  inside  I know  our personalities  are  so similar  that  it  upsets  me to  think I will  end up like  you. I don’t  want  to  be  blinded  like  you  were, I don’t  want  to choose  my pleasures  and necessities  over those  who I say  are  the  light  to my eyes,  and I definitely  don’t  want  to hurt  those  that  love  me.  Truth is, I don’t have the power  to judge  you  by  the  mistakes  you  made  since  both  of us  are  flawed humans  and I am  clueless  about  what  decisions  will  be  the  ones  I make.

I admit  not  being  the  best  version of myself  that  I could have  been towards  you  for the  time  you were  near. Most  of the  time  our personalities  clashed, both too  stubborn, both with fiery tempers, both full  of pride, and  both scared  to show  affection  towards  the  other. Grew  without  your physical  presence,  into  something maybe  you  did not  hoped for, I never  knew  completely  what  you  hoped for.  Since  then,  I was forced  to see  my surroundings  differently,  you  were  nowhere  near  to usher me  through  the  rest  of the journey.

One  of the  things  I will  always  appreciate  is  the  effort  you  always  seemed to  put  in to  provide and  fulfill  the  necessities.  The  other is  leaving  me  around great, compassionate,  loving souls  to continue  where  you  had left  off. Of those  vague  memories, I believe  we  did have  good times, the  times we  laughed, hugged, held  conversations,  the  times  you  taught  me  about  life, and the  times  you  left  me to  be  a  child.

Thank you  for those good times I believe  we  had,  the  certain of period of time  that  was granted to us  together, for giving me  the  opportunity  to  live  and grow, for giving me  the  opportunity  of aspiring  a  better future,  and for keeping  me  safe  every  single  day  even  though you’re  so far  gone.

Feliz  Día  de  Las  Madres, Mamá

 

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22 comments

  1. Emotional words!

    I have live away from my mom for the last 15 years. I can relate to your plight. It gets really difficult to communicate as time passes by and the gap widens.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I, too, am far away from my oldest daughter. She is in New Zealand, and I am in California.
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    Liked by 1 person

  3. I enjoyed this post. I find that many things in life are about trade offs and are as bitter sweet as what you describe in what can be found between a mother and daughter. Is this actually about you or a short story? New to your site so I was not sure. A couple semesters back, I was taking a human growth and development class, and my instructor at that time said that in her experience, as she was aging, she felt like she could see how she was becoming more and more like her dad and generalized how this seems to play out to some extent for all children-how we have shared traits just like how you mention this fiery temper. I think what I liked most about this post is the acknowledgement that we are all flawed and that you are mature enough to realize it is hard to be a judge or to outright refuse to be one in light of someone’s personality.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I admit I did use some of my personal experience for it. I believe we all judge the businesses of others and their actions but we don’t have the right of doing so. Thank you so much for reading it 😊

      Like

  4. I feel the way you do and I only live a few miles from my mother. Physical proximity can still result in emotional distance. Now that I am older, I realize time is short so I am trying to be more forgiving and be more flexible.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing, I agree with you, just because two individuals are close to each other physically there could be a lack emotional connection which is really a saddening situation.

      Like

  5. Beautiful post. The mother and child relationship has the potential to be the most destructive or most nurturing one. And often it’s a combination of both to some extent. My relationship with my mum has left me with the extremely conflicting emotions, of love, gratitude, loyalty as well as sadness, loss, abandonment, betrayal.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I agree with your words, every relationship between a mother and her child is different, affects everyone differently and the lessons we are left with are different for every individual. Thank you for sharing 😊

      Like

  6. From Daughter to mothe is a big journey, and we get to know the importance of this after being into such situations. It is The perfect life cycle created by nature:) I loved this post!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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