Seeing you follow your path was harsh at the time, clueless of what would happen in the future. That day marked our present being gone. Even when thousands of hours have passed, mixed emotions are still inside, they’re the only thing that keep you alive in my soul. Unanswered questions, infinite unspoken words, a chance to wave each other’s white flag, and grow together are the things you left behind.
Your words, your voice, your face, your smell, your expressions are nothing but a vague memory. I’m sorry to say it, but it’s true. As hard as I have tried to escape from your entity, it’s impossible, since our resemblance, the same love for the written word, and not forgetting, that trademark of yours, will forever be on me.
Those who “knew” you judge my stance, but they did not have the chance to know you the way that I did. Those people may have it wrong and accuse my view of you as misunderstood, but your actions did not have a direct impact on the rest of their lives. Maybe the reason of why you are such a debatable topic for me is because on the inside I know our personalities are so similar that it upsets me to think I will end up like you. I don’t want to be blinded like you were, I don’t want to choose my pleasures and necessities over those who I say are the light to my eyes, and I definitely don’t want to hurt those that love me. Truth is, I don’t have the power to judge you by the mistakes you made since both of us are flawed humans and I am clueless about what decisions will be the ones I make.
I admit not being the best version of myself that I could have been towards you for the time you were near. Most of the time our personalities clashed, both too stubborn, both with fiery tempers, both full of pride, and both scared to show affection towards the other. Grew without your physical presence, into something maybe you did not hoped for, I never knew completely what you hoped for. Since then, I was forced to see my surroundings differently, you were nowhere near to usher me through the rest of the journey.
One of the things I will always appreciate is the effort you always seemed to put in to provide and fulfill the necessities. The other is leaving me around great, compassionate, loving souls to continue where you had left off. Of those vague memories, I believe we did have good times, the times we laughed, hugged, held conversations, the times you taught me about life, and the times you left me to be a child.
Thank you for those good times I believe we had, the certain of period of time that was granted to us together, for giving me the opportunity to live and grow, for giving me the opportunity of aspiring a better future, and for keeping me safe every single day even though you’re so far gone.
Feliz Día de Las Madres, Mamá