Why couldn’t we have met under different circumstances? Those ones where I could have been your only one. You have no idea how hard it is to think about you and all the love we share and know that tonight you’ll be sleeping with her. Always her. Sometimes I wish with all my heart to be her. I hope tonight I cross your mind, you will always be anchored on mine.
Tears build up on these poorly lucid eyes when I think about all the unforgettable and precious moments we have shared. Every single word you have whispered to my ear, all the lyrics we both have sung to each other, every breath in between a kiss, and every touch make my skin shiver and my heart pump a bit faster than usual.
Is that what you feel for me too?
Everyone tells me to forget you, to leave you in my past but I can’t, not today, not tomorrow, not in a year, and will not do so even after my days come to an end.
You have been the only person who has understand my struggles and that has given me a purpose. With you I feel beautiful and a complete woman. I am so fortunate to finally know what it feels to have a shoulder to rest on, someone with whom I can share my most intimate secrets and not be judged. I’m glad it has been you who discovered all the beauty others may have failed to consider. But I can’t lie, I greatly fear that the day where we can finally be together will never come. I fear that all this happiness and love will be striped away, that this smile will be no more and worst of all, that you will never be completely mine.
It is absurd that I’m the one who loves you, the one who deeply loves you, but cannot have you. It infuriates me to rivers of tears to know that she is the one who sleeps and wakes up next to you. It is upsetting that here, all the love I have for you has to be hidden and best if silenced, while she has you physically there and does not appreciate how fortunate she is of this. I sometimes wonder what it is that she does for you that I can’t seem to fulfill? If only we had met before she came into your life, or before the others did before her, our story would be different and she would not be taking the place that was destined to be mine.
It hurts me every time we are together to know that at the end of the day you will not be mine, I know you’ll leave to her side. Is there something I can do to make you stay a little longer?
I hate to know I’m the one who is unnecessary in this equation, but I just can’t keep myself away from you when I know you love me too. I also hate to know that I may be the cause of a broken family, the little ones are not responsible for this love triangle. Yet, if I have to be honest, what I hate even more is the fact that our future little one will not have a family as I once envisioned it. That is not what I planned for you, for me, for him or her.
Maybe I did make a mistake, but I can’t regret it since out of all this pain and “foolish” actions something precious has flourished, my little treasure that I will soon nourish with all the love it deserves. I promise you I will protect our little treasure until the day comes where you can finally be with us. When that happens, all the tears and sadness will have a purpose and will be nothing but our past. Please come to me soon, don’t leave me behind. I know that today she is the one waiting for you to come home, but I pray that soon I can be your home.