A Mirage

​As  a  child, I never  dedicated a single  thought  to  you.  It  just  didn’t  happen.  I was  more interested in  those  things  I now  wish I could hold on to  for one  brief  second more.  As  I grew,  I believe the  thought  of you  was  still  so unbearable.  I grew  attached to  many,  oh so many,  the  list  is  so long I can’t  seem  to recall  half of it. At that time there still was no record of your  existence either.

 I reached  an age  were  the  way  emotions  felt  was  multiplied  by  ten. I started thinking about  you, vaguely.  I tricked  myself  into thinking that  you  wouldn’t  be  part  of my  life, no sign of you  would be visible  in me,  ever.  

Oh how  gullible  was  I to think that?

Then, as  emotions  constantly  shed and  grew, so did  you  inside  my thoughts. I began thinking about  you little  by  little.  I became  the  builder of those  images  of you  that  came  to me  in  my  dreams.

 I reached  adulthood  with you  among  my  thoughts, you  had been finally created in  this mind. Your entity  has  been  created and  built  with so many  hopes and in so many daydreams, that  I  dreadfully fear you  may  never come  into my life  at  all. I want  you  really  really  bad.

 I’ve  also questioned  and imagined how  you  came  into  my  life  without  coming  into it  just  yet.  I think about  you  often,  really  often.  I even speak your name  and describe  how  in some  distant  time  it  will  all be. I know  that  for now  you  are  just  a  mirage.  But  I swear  to you  I hope  we  cross  paths  when the  time and situation is  right, when we  both  are  ready  for what  will  come, and  when  we  both  are  willing to  stick together. For now, you’ll  be  kept  in  my  mind  and heart  until  it’s  game  time,  there  you’ll  be  safe, my sweetest mirage.

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